Let Us Laugh on World Marriage Day – Part 1
1. A friend: What is the best method to remember the wedding anniversary date?
Second Friend: Just forget once
2. There are three important rings in a marriage – Engagement ring, marriage ring and suffering.
3. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
4. Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
5. Little Johnny was reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book. "Teacher?" he asked, "Does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage?"
"No my child," sighed the teacher. "But it should."
6. There are some who feel it is inappropriate to make fun of the holy institution of marriage.
Then there are others who know it's the only way we can live with it.
7. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
8. Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornados and hail.
9. Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
10. A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the object of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained.
"He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts.
He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."
11. A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
12. A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
“There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
“It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”
The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”
“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away.
13. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
14. A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
15. Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
16. "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
17. A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."
18. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
19. Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"
Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
20. Husband: "Right now, for this Women's Day, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world!"
Wife: "Oh dear, I will miss you!"
21. Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.
22. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
23. Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
24. Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
25. "Oh, my love! My darling! If you give me one more kiss, I’ll be forever yours!"
"Sh*t... thanks for the warning."
Thank You,
Swami Aaron
(Dr. Aaron Thomas)
Psychotherapist | Author | Spiritual Master
Email: swami.aaron@gmail.com
Website: https://UltimateBliss.in
Author of:
· Cosmic Psychology: Science of Consciousness & Bliss
· Transform Mind in Bliss
· Neuro-Consciousness Therapy to Cure Chronic Diseases
· Science of Transforming Painful Relations in Bliss
· Ultimate Life
· Beyond the Beyond
· Quantum Jump into God
· Lunatic Monologue: Swami Aaron’s Sutra of Absolute Truth
· Science of Kundalini
· Science of Pranayama
· Science of Holistic Healing
· Science of Hypnosis
· Science of Worldly Success & Prosperity
· Dancing on the Last Threshold of the Universe
· Journey of Speaking Silence
· Ultimate Ecstasy
· In Love with All Beautiful Women
In Love with Linda
~ By Aaron Thomas